July; Finding The Why

July, before it's too late

Couple weeks ago in one of an on site visit, had a conversation with my lead:

…

Kamu tahun ini umur berapa sih?

(Mikir) 26 mas, sampai lupa umur sendiri kirain masih 25

Jangan lupa ya, yang penting harus happy

…

Life is an endless journey of learning about yourself. It’s funny how you react to something just to end up searching for a scientifically acceptable reason why you did so. To an extent, an undiagnosed condition might lead to uncomfortable feelings that you think are normal, but they’re actually not. Years of masking may lead to losing yourself as you try to please others and seek perfection.

I am still learning and accepting that being fully human is not always about being happy; it’s about feeling everything. But to me, feeling everything can lead to a consequence that you have to understand how you cope and make everything reasonable and acceptable.

But some things are still unreasonable, and I'm still finding the why

25 was underrated, 26, please be nice

p.s don’t hesitate to seek for professional help, xoxo

Hilang

Hari ini aku kehilangan

Lalu aku bertanya tanya, apakah kehilangan bisa hilang?

Kalau hilang, lantas kehilangan jadi tidak hilang?

Tapi apa bisa kehilangan menjadi hilang?

Jika ya, apakah ada jasa menghilangkan kehilangan?

Tolong carikan aku penjualnya!

Jikalau sudah ada, kabari aku

Aku mau beli satu

He already crossed the Rainbow Bridge

Rest in love, Bolu

Apology.

You taught me a secret language, I can't speak with anyone else.

It was an easy morning with almost no issues, so I sat back at my desk, and my lead came and randomly said,

“Saya habis ikut kajian Prof. N kemarin. Tahu gak? Ternyata poinnya bukan tentang memaafkan, tapi kalau meminta maaf, itu yang wajib…”

We may have a problem with forgiving. We all know how hard it is to forgive someone; the intrusive pain and the trauma still linger with us. 

And let me tell you the worst part:

Instead of receiving an apology, I got a "thank you" ‘cause they thought I was the one who gave them a lesson, and I couldn’t think how on earth they had the audacity to say that. Forgiving is never an option.

But that morning I realized, we all put too much focus on forgiving instead of making an apology.

Maybe we were hurting each other.

Then maybe we should start apologizing?

-Nay