July; Finding The Why

July, before it's too late

Couple weeks ago in one of an on site visit, had a conversation with my lead:

…

Kamu tahun ini umur berapa sih?

(Mikir) 26 mas, sampai lupa umur sendiri kirain masih 25

Jangan lupa ya, yang penting harus happy

…

Life is an endless journey of learning about yourself. It’s funny how you react to something just to end up searching for a scientifically acceptable reason why you did so. To an extent, an undiagnosed condition might lead to uncomfortable feelings that you think are normal, but they’re actually not. Years of masking may lead to losing yourself as you try to please others and seek perfection.

I am still learning and accepting that being fully human is not always about being happy; it’s about feeling everything. But to me, feeling everything can lead to a consequence that you have to understand how you cope and make everything reasonable and acceptable.

But some things are still unreasonable, and I'm still finding the why

25 was underrated, 26, please be nice

p.s don’t hesitate to seek for professional help, xoxo

Hilang

Hari ini aku kehilangan

Lalu aku bertanya tanya, apakah kehilangan bisa hilang?

Kalau hilang, lantas kehilangan jadi tidak hilang?

Tapi apa bisa kehilangan menjadi hilang?

Jika ya, apakah ada jasa menghilangkan kehilangan?

Tolong carikan aku penjualnya!

Jikalau sudah ada, kabari aku

Aku mau beli satu

He already crossed the Rainbow Bridge

Rest in love, Bolu

Apology.

You taught me a secret language, I can't speak with anyone else.

It was an easy morning with almost no issues, so I sat back at my desk, and my lead came and randomly said,

“Saya habis ikut kajian Prof. N kemarin. Tahu gak? Ternyata poinnya bukan tentang memaafkan, tapi kalau meminta maaf, itu yang wajib…”

We may have a problem with forgiving. We all know how hard it is to forgive someone; the intrusive pain and the trauma still linger with us. 

And let me tell you the worst part:

Instead of receiving an apology, I got a "thank you" ‘cause they thought I was the one who gave them a lesson, and I couldn’t think how on earth they had the audacity to say that. Forgiving is never an option.

But that morning I realized, we all put too much focus on forgiving instead of making an apology.

Maybe we were hurting each other.

Then maybe we should start apologizing?

-Nay

What we ate in Bali.

Nasi Ayam Ibu Oki, Nusa Dua

We went to Bali for an event, and right after we checked out, we rushed to Nasi Ayam Ibu Oki near our resort in Nusa Dua for lunch. The taste was good before I found out about Nasi Ayam Kedewatan Ibu Mangku, which is currently in first place on my list.

Warung Mak Beng, Sanur

After watching Kecak Dance at Uluwatu Temple, it was already dark, and we planned to eat at Warung Mak Beng for their delish fried fish and head-fish soup. We rushed again before it closed, and thank god we made it.

Pison, Ubud

We stayed in Ubud the next day and had a nice walk around the city in the morning, which was actually on purpose because we waited for a resto to open (it was known for having a long waitlist). We stopped at Pison Cafe for brunch. The pancake and the place were nice. It has an outdoor area on the side of a rice field.

Seeds Eatery, Ubud

And.... this is the reason why we choose to stay in Ubud (despite the other reasons, this one contributed 80%), one of the viral Thai food restaurants, Seeds Eatery. The oysters were so fresh and not fishy. We also ordered Pad Thai and Tom Yum; both were so good, even though the Tom Yum was kind of light for my liking.

I guess I'm starting my food diary here. Please expect some more because I love.........food.

Xoxo,

Nay

Pandora Box

Coffee or tea?

A message in the beginning of 2024 brought back to life all the memories that I buried on purpose in the best memorial garden that I could visit whenever I wanted.

I have a question:

What if there were some things that you wished to have, and you begged for them, but when you realized those were out of your reach, you started accepting and continue living your life? But just right in time, when you start being grateful and happy with what you already have, the wishes come true.

But good things always come with a burden you must pay for; it has never been free.

You got bumped into decisions that you never thought you had, whether you keep in the status quo, continue enjoying your life, being grateful and happy as you should have been a long time ago, or accept all the dreamy things that might open a pandora’s box of unforeseen troubles and also some other hopes.

Maybe you are just scared of the idea of losing yourself again

or maybe not

-Nay